This time next week i will be here eating my body weight in ice cream, kippers and queenies. I CANNOT wait 🎉

Sitting outside the house in my car for 5 minutes when I get back from wherever I've been, drinking my iced coffee is my favourite form of self care.

Grandma just rang me to remind to not let the kids swim out to sea if they have a ball and it goes into the water. Bet she's been fretting all week about that 😭 why are grandparents so pure?

3 hours sleep, heart rate 120, feel like I could throw up any second.. 1st holiday since I developed crippling anxiety I don't know how I can do this again. We're not even going abroad and it seems like a mammoth task. Roll on 3pm when we get off the boat!

I feel like we don't discuss how choosing what to make for tea every night is the most annoying part of parenting enough.

Drink every time the commentators say "Sam Kerr"

It is almost criminal that just my Y7 son's blazer costs nearly double his Y4 brothers school jumper and PE hoody (the only school branded things he needs) combined.

Wouldn't be a results day without Jeremy Clarkson piping up about his results would it?

Win or lose I'm sure the misogynists who live online will have a lot to say.. 😴

I know there's probably a million books about parenting but do any of them cover how to deal with your child being upset because they're convinced they're adopted? Nothing I say is helping 😬

I, a qualified Spanish & French teacher, just had a phone call from a supply agency I worked for 12+ months ago looking for a food tech teacher.. for the school I'm HoY at.. 😂

planned to spend the next 4 days napping, drinking hot coffee, weeing whenever I want and eating my body weight in snacks.. realised I've been doing it for 5 weeks..

OF COURSE it's going to be 24/25 degrees next week when we're back in work 😭

Suggested to my grandma that I feed 11yo before I drop him off to sleep there tonight so she doesn't have to make his tea.. feel like I have committed a crime..

BREAKING: UK’s hardest working employee Gillian Keegan to receive guard of honour and open top bus parade after securing funding for 12 scientific calculators.

Not sure what to make of my Y7 son's music teacher setting a 50+ question homework with positive points only for the students who got 90% or more right.. I might just be tired but it seems a bit mean?

Has anyone had this bug going round? I had to leave work early now I can't even keep water down 😭 how long does it last??!

My boys went to watch Stalybridge Celtic today.. thank you Aaron Dwyer for signing one of their shirts and giving the big kid your pads, I've heard about it 1729 times! Mint lad x

"Why didn't they go to the police?" BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

"If I hear another door slam I will take them all off the hinges and put them in the bin".. I'm at the empty threats tired part of half term. They know I don't know how to take a door off. They also know they don't fit in bins.