Really slept until 5pm as if it’s not Sunday and I still have 2 weeks of pretend to play at work (allegedly)

If I was a teacher, I would have my student dissect the “Scott’s tots” episode of The Office and immediately fail the ones who say they “always skip that episode because of secondhand embarrassment”

Nothing is worse than two stupid people. Whenever I get around someone who I share one brain cell with it is absolutely over.

Turn 30 in February and honestly? That’s too many years..we don’t need to be doing all that

berkeley, ca this. burlington,vt that. the real bitches are getting san luis obispo, ca for their spotify wrapped

I am in the top .01% of listening to women

I posted SZA on my story pls respond

I wish i could be nonchalant but unfortunately i'm insane

yk what the idol wasn't that bad

My brother and I have the BEST opportunity to sing “fairytale of —-“ and make it “Baltimore”. But he won’t respond to my texts.

He responded. Lets gooooo

ABBA popped off with “dancing queen” ngl

Saw a dude at the bar dressed as a turkey and turns out I gave him $35 for cancer research. I’m gonna blame my friends for this one

We need to bring circles back right fucking now. I can only scream into the void for so long

What if we just ranked teams by cold, hard facts? Like how far their stadiums are from the nearest Applebee’s.

Me after waking up at noon today *spoiler: it’s not

She posted herself on a yacht in Miami

Yeah and I 'can see' me killing myself

Oh I’m actually stupid as hell