I wet my t-shirt when washing any dishes so my wife knows that I earned a blowjob

I was born racists but I know that it is wrong

Almost bought a house today but there was a giant AR-15 floating above it

I hate seeing the Canadian side of Drake

Recently gained a lot of MAGA followers, if I die, it was for my country🇺🇸

Gary Owen’s success is proof that black people are not funny

American civil war against Israel Idk

Buy high, sell higher

Cheerleaders only know what player has the highest net worth. Home team will be down 45 and these bitches shaking pompoms and throwing high kicks

Do I have to disclose that the family dog is buried in the backyard when selling my house?

I’ve only heard positive things about Frankenstein. Thank you @Netflix for keeping movie magic alive! I’m going to upgrade my account to Ultra HD for only $6 extra so I can watch it at home!!

I do stand-up comedy in a small coffee shop So far I have sold 3 cups of coffee

Trans women should legally be allowed to own Tamagotchis

I hate that woman have to bear all the weight of having an abortion, it’s unfair, but its their money they can spend it how they want.

I flex my privilege as a white by joking around with police officers but I still get a ticket because I’m not that privileged.

Normalize explaining your own jokes