Feeling like Jason Borne because I listened to the entire safety speech before my flight! 💪🏻 👊🏻 #theclosestexitisbehindme

Loving these extra long trailers that play automatically on Netflix - I won’t have to watch the actual show ever again! 🙌🏻🙌🏻

Really hoping the family walking away doesn’t hear me recycle my best joke on the family walking up. “She can be a little PIG-headed”.

When you book your first audition of 2019!! *I didn’t but I imagine this is what it would feel like. #PilotSeason

I swear, if I hear one more person complain about people complaining, I’m going to complain about complaining about people complaining.

Go into the storm! 💪🏻💪🏻

New family member #Carla

Scientists have come up with a surefire way to determine how much influence your girlfriend has over you: grow a mustache.

Had a dream last night that I couldn’t get the registration sticker on my license plate clean enough to add the new one over the top of it...

Hey, I just met you and this is crazy But keep your distance, and stay home til May #StaySafeStayHome

Well somebody told us Wall Street fell But we were so poor that we couldn't tell Cotton was short and the weeds were tall But Mr. ...

A kitchen with a pot filler faucet #dreambig

When a vacuum is working, it sucks and doesn’t suck. When a vacuum isn’t working, it sucks and doesn’t suck. 🤯

Apparently Bill Gates wants to give everyone chips? Really hoping he includes hummus.

It’s confirmed, I’m a “freeze and see if it gets worse” kinda guy. #earthquake

Started singing and my dog just stared at me. Omg is she amazed at how beautiful my voice is? Then she literally rolled her eyes, sighed, and went to sleep...

Grateful to find out my pilot, Good Boy, was selected to be in the top 35 out of 3,249! 🙏🙏 Script Pipeline

Election for what? I’m confused. Is there something I should be researching today? #Election2024 ?