[on the phone] yeah we were gonna rage against the dying of the light later if you’re down [switches phone to other ear] you’re what? hold on [covers phone] this dipshit’s going gentle into that good night

my tax strategy is to go to a website i've never heard of before, enter all my most sensitive information, then hit the 'continue' button until i either get $1300 or go to jail

cop chasing me: we got a runner! all units we- well he’s slowing down a bit. okay he’s walking and breathing a lot. like too much. hands on his knees. jesus this guy is out of shape. he’s motioning for me to stop but he’s still just so out of breath

Is this good? Y/N

Being attacked by the place I’ve loyally supported for 28 year is not how I saw my Wednesday going

In the back of the uber adding every song on the aux to my playlist. Bangers only by Amiir

yo 100 of us are fighting a gorilla tonight if u wanna pull up

👀👀 #TransferPortal

King Julian probably a top 2 movie character of all time if we are being honest

Spicy rigatoni AND Jake Gyllenhall? Have a day, have a day

This is Michael Bay’s Mona Lisa. 130 minutes of non-stop, nonsensical action. Masterpiece.

#Would

Arlington Heights White Sox going to hit like crack

"she's chopped? like into pieces?"

I never thought I would see the day. God bless Justin Ishbia’s America - we are free! Let’s go win a World Series!

#PrayForTheLeagueAsEarlyAs2029AndAsLateAs2034

Sunday Mass post Fathers Day

CHRIST ALMIGHTY. WOULD.