today is as good a day as any to say I hate elon musk

got recognized as a regular at the coffee shop this morning!! this is it!! I’ve peaked!!

why tell me today is the first day I can get a peppermint mocha when, in fact, that is a flat-out LIE and I canNOT get a peppermint mocha today quit lying, Starbucks

I try my best to be a strong advocate for thanksgiving amidst all the “christmas starts at midnight on november first” sentiments, but I have to say: the peppermint mocha from starbucks makes it really hard

can anybody with a science or food or any relative background tell me why my peppermint latte tastes like sweet potatoes? I can definitely tell the peppermint is trying, but it’s really just giving sweet potatoes.

how are there less than 2 weeks left of 2022

Doctor: I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon. Me Why?

If Rihanna REALLY wanted to do sumn, she woulda made Tom Holland come out and perform the Umbrella choreo #SuperBowlLVII

a conservative christian foundation paid $20 million for those jesus ads and i'm just thinking about all the things jesus would've preferred to spend $20 million on

hey Jonas Brothers, let me know if you want to hire me as a proofreader I would truly love nothing more

no time like the present to retweet this — btw, THE irish rovers liked this tweet…just sayin’

May is Volcano Awareness Month. We have volcanoes. You are now aware. See you next May.

58 degrees out on December 15th… should I stop putting money into my 401k

“close the borders, we’re tired of felons walking into this country” motherfucker you just elected one as the goddamn president of the united states of america

People are reading AI-generated synopses of books and then claiming they read 100 books in a book. This is how the abolition of books began in Fahrenheit 451: classics were condensed into five-minute summaries for those too busy to do the reading. Later came the burnings.

the sluttiest thing a man can do is be joe keery