Oh! Pizza. I like that. I loooove that.

My kids don't get it either. #mommyproblems #parenting

People blah blah ice bucket challenge blah blah....stahhhhp. Just donate, for a good cause.

And then shut up about it because if you need recognition for being a good human being, you aren't a good human being.

School nurse called. 6 year old was rocking out so hard during music time, he hit his head on the wall. Atta boy.

I've noticed some people wear workout clothes for comfort, not cuz they're actually working out. I've also noticed you're one of them.

I wish I could make my vacuum patterns look like baseball field patterns!

Can I just say...late night movies and string cheese is the shit. Every night. #Breastfeedinglife

Cuz pumping at 245 am is all the rage. Yay.

My 6 year old is the best big brother. He's the only one who can make the baby laugh.

That moment when someone posts a bitchy status about you on Facebook and you're like "I hope you're a grandma at 30"

When baby gets off the boob and then flops over like a tiny drunk man 😆

I really want hash browns and a sausage biscuit. But I'm also this close 👉👈 to being back into my old clothes. #Decisions

I just want to say...magic eraser mop.

God. My account was locked. Ridiculous.

I don't feel like high waisted short shorts are for everyone. #TweetYourUnpopularOpinion

I wish I had resting bitch face. But no. I have resting dork face. Whatever.

Why is making a doctors appointment such a hassle?!

Wow packers got shit on