The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

I said no to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.