I feel as though you are the best friend I have in King's Landing and sometimes you are my worst enemy. Damn you Will.i.am.

Last night, a Moon Brother stabbed a Storm Crow over a sausage. Last time I go clubbing on a Wednesday.

This isn't the kingsroad. It's the M25 clockwise.

Shadowcats and hill tribes are the least of your concerns. You're a grown man wearing espadrilles for fucks sake.

A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone. Though I’m not sure Dan Brown counts, numbnuts.

I am the heir to Casterley Rock, of course I'm tall enough to ride Nemesis at Alton Towers.

The Apprentice. What a mummers farce...

Those are brave men knocking at the door. Let's go kill them. Especially if it's those TV license bastards.

As impossible as it seems, there was once a time I was unaccustomed to wine...But Stella made me a bit fighty.

The charms of the north seem entirely lost on you, but then again, this is a motorway service station in Burnley.

I just want to stand on the edge and piss off the end of the world. Apparently this is inappropriate behavior when on the London Eye.

I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things, but I draw the line at The Brand New Heavies.

I was very happy as Hand of the King, but this part time gig at Cash Convertors is off the hook.

Cut off his manhood and feed it to the goats. When I said no gherkin in the burger, I mean't it.

I'm not Ned Stark, I understand the way this game is played. Right foot red, left hand blue. Twister is no game for a dwarf.

The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned. The Drowned God wants them drowned. The Lord of Sugar appears to want his fired.

It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on its head. Pretty funny thing to do if it's a Jack Russell though.

You disappoint me, Grand Maester. I distinctly remember asking you to series link Murder She Wrote, not Diagnosis Murder. Fucktard.

I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things. That's why I bought a Blackberry.