Just another day being upset that someone super rich won’t just give me a cool $10k

To whoever I just flicked off in a white truck in Saginaw, my b. I thought you were my brother in law 🤷🏼‍♀️

I went in a obstacle bounce house yesterday and I am way more sore than I should be, feeling real old

I just found a professional slide rider on TikTok and now I have a new career dream

I cannot get any housework done when I have a fricking tornado of a child behind me

A piece of lettuce would really fuck up a nice chick fil a sandwich

I’ve never felt more qualified for the Olympics after some of the shit that went on this year

A $600 quesadilla was wasted last night and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive those people

Just having me a late night glass of chocolate milk

Nothing I love more than 17 pieces of candy at midnight

Being invincible is crqzzyyyyy

We’re just gonna chalk this one up as a loss and try again tomorrow

Nothing like your car not starting 2 days before Christmas 🥳🤗🤗

Carter just told me I’m the dish that ran away with the spoon under his breath

Imagine dandelions in the produce section

I can’t remember jackshit from my childhood.. it stresses me out

I used to think “independent film” meant a movie with just one person in it