wear this to my funeral

He reached for my gun

Can I make you fat

There's a homeless lady living in a gazebo at my work and my boss wants me to kick her out but that's none of my business

Pussy so good I get lunch with her mom on sundays

My wife was formerly promiscuous. I was a virgin. She was then radically born-again. Committed to church, evangelized constantly, Puritan books in her bedroom, prayer journals, grief over past sexual sin, etc.

Should I leak Peter Griffin's phone number

Bingo Bongo #fishtanklive

how my cat looks at me when im eating a tasty treat

I knew from the moment I met you I'd turn on post notifications

Asked her who's pussy is this and she said her own name

I did this because I thought a woman would touch me, what the fuck

This chick sucksss

Would you love me if I couldn't fuck for shit

U ever drink Bailey's from a shoe

Chilli's

Day 7 of playing nirvana songs until Kurt Cobain follows me

Been hanging these up around town for a laugh

Went to a show at a punk house and they use the top of the toilet as food storage ❤️

If I become a woman I'm going to legally change my name to Lena Dunham