First look at Leonardo DiCaprio and Lilly Gladstone in Mickey 17

You should be proud to eat from the pig trough, you should rejoice when they refill the pig trough and you should fling your stinky shit at those who say otherwise

Scientists have proven that there really is a monster under your bed that will eat you when you fall asleep

My favorite kind of notification is when I get a like on a reply I wrote three years ago

I tried to explain that nudity symbolizes purity and innocence in many cultures but the Walmart security guard was having none of it

Cumming in my pants in a platonic, non-sexual way

Written in my will that I want my tombstone to look exactly like this

On this day you're allowed to confess to any murder you like, and if you just say April's fools at the end the cops can't do shit

Why don't we all just go on a treasure hunt in the Caribbean?

Accidentally pressed the Grok button again

Farmers would've sold a lot more of their eggs if they marketed them as The Caviar of the Bird

I wonder if there are more penises or penis shaped things in this world

I could tell my friend was troubled, in hot water, walking down a dark path, so I told him he looked like shit

Chocolate Starfish (2019): A struggling musician realizes he's the only person on Earth who can remember Limp Bizkit after waking up in an alternate reality where they never existed

Can humans and horses breed? Furthermore, what shall we do with the eventual human-horse people? Can they work in the private sector?

I put too much lime in my guacamole and now I have Lime disease! (I get kicked out of the Lyme disease support group and sent directly to the Unfunny dads support group)

Let's discuss why the names Andy and Randy have such complete opposite energy

If the US had always had a multi-party system: 🔵Porcupine Party 27% 🟢Bull Moose Party 20% 🟡Whig 19% 🟥Confederate Separatists 14% ⚪️Christmas Adventurers Party 11% ⬜️Not Even Subtle About It Racist Party 5% 🟨Homer Simpson's Party 4% ❤️Social Democrats (0.02%)

I initially thought these were props from David Cronenberg's Naked Lunch

Oh, so that's why it's called that