The 3 greatest movies of all time are just stories about dads trying to get home to their kids. #DieHard #Transformers #ConAir

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times....sometimes, you just need some #HootieAndTheBlowfish.

If my wife, @alissaelong, and I were to start running a bed and breakfast, I picture it as a less efficient version of #FawltyTowers

Tsunami says "Yo!" #BallPython #MyHouseIsAZoo

The fact that my kids' favorite comedy is #FawltyTowers means that we're doing something right.

That fact that my wife and 10 year old daughter are about the same height makes laundry folding day much more difficult for me.

The 1st couple minutes of Jim Gaffigan's new special can be a little creepy if you've just spent the day binging #Supernatural

My cat's silhouette totally looked like a lion cub this morning.

I really wish that my wife would get a little bit less joy out of plucking my eyebrows. @alissaelong

My wife just forgot that she was going to cut an onion...while holding a knife and looking at an onion. @alissaelong

@ehtruitt @alissaelong She also likes to start conversations with "we are now in a judgement free zone." ;-)

Who would win a fight between the leads of #Supernatural and #Longmire (tv). The book version of Henry would destroy all of the above.

After binging #Supernatural, I'm pretty sure that @alissaelong and I would be the greatest hunting team ever. #Fact.

It seems like over half of my conversations with my daughter end with "this is why you never trust men."

Apparently, my daughter's snake, Tsunami, likes to watch #Longmire with me.

After finishing #Longmire and#Archer, which show should I binge watch next?

After watching #DeathlyHallows again, I've decided that my life's goal is to be a slightly less bad-ass version of Hermione Granger.

My daughter watching #IndependenceDay with Adam Baldwin on screen: "Daddy! It's Jayne from Firefly!" #ProudParent #DidntSayAnimalMother

I was much more excited about getting the kids some fireworks before I found out how late sunset was. #Time4Bed

Hey #Bristol Harbor Master! I can make a mean cup of coffee, and I've always wanted to work in a castle. Let's talk! #RhodeIsland