Hey ladies 💅🏻 A lot of you are asking about my new holy grail addiction! 💆🏼‍♀️🛁💁🏻‍♀️I know my Capricorn girlies are all about that risk-taking behavior 😤💸 Become a DraftQUEEN today and get $50 in bonus bets👑

Sup guys I’m here at the War on Drugs/The National show so if you want me to tell your dad anything let me know

The new HBO Salem’s Lot had better be some kind of tax dodge because there’s no excuse for it otherwise

It’s pretty fucked up that one of the times we are forced to watch TV with commercials is the MLB playoffs in an election year. I would rather see one thousand dogshit T-Mobile commercials than any one of these hateful GOP ads

I got too much cholesterol for this

See, the thing with sports is: they're real and they matter and you have to care about them, you have to. You have to invest all of your heart in them and they will never let you down.

I bought a pair of pants and Amazon determined that I might wanna be on cholesterol medication. Amazon knows nothing about my health. I have never used their pharmacy, I don’t buy food from them. They just know my pant size. I am going to lose my goddamn mind

At the stage of grief where I say things like “wow, that must be so great for Cleveland fans” and not “why the fuck should they get to be happy”

Rosie fully disassociating because I briefly stopped petting her

We just watched IT’S WHAT’S INSIDE and I realize this is a very “I should make the Torment Nexus” thought but I would be so totally unbeatable at playing It’s What’s Inside, the game from IT’S WHAT’S INSIDE

Fuckin…wow

Literally why look at anything else

Oh shit one got out

This place is hell but just for today maybe it could be a little less hellish if you all would just post pictures of your children/animules in cute costumes

Rosie was a very popular ‘50s style gal, and my pumpkin was a lazily drawn on goofy bug face, and we gave out so much candy to so many adorable little ghoulies and gerblins. Happy Halloween to all those who partake 🖤🎃👻

Probably gonna take a brief hiatus from social media - just saw somebody complain that the democrats have for too long been “held hostage by the far left wing of the party” and my eyeballs caught on fire - but you can find me (and Rosie) on bsky.app/profile/milfpa…