It’s cuffing season ladies 🥶🥶🥶

May the woke mob’s war on Christmas finally be won. Happy holidays! Merry xmas! Happy new year!

People like to complain about the current moment, but have tv’s ever been bigger?

Jeezus I’m old

Everyone’s so concerned about the fact that we ingest 5 grams of microplastics a week but I don’t hear anybody talking about how much macroplastics are in their diet. Personally, on top of my 5 g’s of micro, I also eat 3 plastic bags a day. Just a tip!

Going over to my neighbors house to do whippets! Happy birthday to me!😋🎉

Hope moo deng takes one of these mfer’s hands one day. They be playing too much.

Mostly human!

I think that whatever you believe happens in the afterlife happens to you. I plan on spending eternity doing what I love; watching short form videos of streamer drama 10 hours a day and then jacking off instead of hanging out with friends.

Trying to meet a tech sugar momma by sitting at the Amazon balls speakeasy, taking the tiniest sips of a $30 whiskey ginger I bought with Klarna, and conspicuously nodding to Abundance so everyone knows I agree with its points

Yo if someone wants to get me a paint by numbers but was worried I wouldn’t appreciate it, now’s the time!

Borders are fake but we need to shut down the northern border so none of the Vancouver based blue jays fans can come to t-mobile park for game 3

Seattle is cool in the way that you can hit it off with a sweet goofy nerdy guy in a new friend group and then a week later learn that he works in defense contracts for Boeing…

Say what you want about Jar Jar Binks, you know he’s got a fat hog

Just want y’all to know I’ve been making the macroplastics joke for over a year now and the culture just caught up.

Wisdom from the past year of living in Seattle: You’re a racist if you don’t want to hangout with me in south seattle… unless you live in Ballard... then you’re a racist for living in Ballard.

By the end of the night y’all gonna be calling me gay

Karl Marx if he had had pizza: “yooo you cannot be alienated from your labor if you can get a 99 cent slice.”