That awkward moment when you realize you use Twitter more than Facebook but have no followers.😢😢

Tip of the day: You should borrow money from a pessimist–they don’t expect it back.

A legal question: If you kill someone but they turn into a zombie can you still get charged with murder?

@kayr0ck5yawrld hahah that's a very good question! I really need to look this up!😁

When will this end? My deepest condolences to the victims and their families of the Fort Lauderdale shooting.😢

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day!

Biggest lie ever: I'm only gonna watch one episode Netflix

Question of the day: Is it necrophilia if your girlfriend is a zombie?

So this Friday Donald trump becomes the president of the United States. Here's a present from me to you: cic.gc.ca/english/index.…

It's 3:20 am and I can't sleep! What movie should I watch?? Please help me!!!

@KaikkonenMika perkele voi vittu

@KaikkonenMika that's finish???

@KaikkonenMika hahah oh okey;) that's the only sentence I know in finish

Anyone still here ?:I

At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?🤡

Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don't want to go.

I'm not saying your perfume is too strong. I'm just saying the canary was alive before you got here.

One of my friends is pregnant! And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because shes one of my skinniest friends!

This may be the wine talking, 
but I really, really, really, really love wine!!

asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain😢