if my italki tutor doesn’t think i’m the coolest most interesting AND most fluent student she’s ever had i’ll simply kms

why does publishers marketplace look like that

what is a newly inserted septum ring but a momentary chastity belt

i don’t want to subscribe to your substack i want u to mail me a personalized letter sealed with red wax every time u have a thought

a sumo citrus could be god. a pair of australian shepherds on a walk could be god. an espresso tonic in the sunshine could be g

every time i walk into Trader Joe’s i have every intention of purchasing broccoli & salmon and instead walk out with like fucking fennel bulb

im so scared of pierce abernathy no man should have the power to bring brooklyn to its knees with a single charred ramp

something about sleeping on a sofa bed in madrid has me dreaming about every person i’ve ever had a crush on

the two true all-occasion songs are tu t’en lasses and hillside boys

tinfoil is short for tinned fish oil

currently having a conversation with god on this terrace

sometimes i think i have left my catholic school upbringing behind but then i do things like Buy A Kilt On Purpose

not to be annoying but i actually cannot believe i waited as long as i did to get a nose ring. i feel like my entire life could be on a different trajectory if i just did it earlier. like that sylvia plath fig branch quote—a million septum-pierced futures stretching before me

someone just tried to dap me up I’ve never felt sheer panic like this in my life

there is literally nothing more insufferable than a 27 year old man

the way that reformation is singularly responsible for every brand screaming in email subject lines now

every day we stray further from god’s light (someone is microwaving egg bites in the communal kitchen of this soho coworking space)