First of all this is a weighted purse I’m carrying to blast the trapezius muscles. The high-heels are for targeting the calf muscles and building mass. The mascara is because i love the way it makes my eyes pop.

“what’s the wokest team?” “how woke are ____ players?”

でっかいカエル 挨拶のクオリティ上がってきたな笑

12 years old and already experienced the pinnacle of life: perfectly round vole..... i almost pity the girl... it's all down hill from here....

Imagine you’re the PM and you wake up at the pearly gates and you’re like What happened? And God’s like You know Shen Yun? And you’re like “China before communism?” And God looks away wistfully like “5,000 years of divine culture, expressed through breathtaking music and dance…”

Good job to whoever came up with the names clay, silt, and loam. Those ones are great

hot air balloon accident has to be the worst way to die cause your ass didn’t need to be up there doing that whimsical shit in the first place

The device is acting out of the ordinary today

Dave Chappelle (suddenly getting serious 50 minutes into a special):

extremely considerate elderly guy who learns Haitian Creole, Tagalog, and Yoruba in preparation for being placed in a nursing home

Frisco is simply a far more interesting city than New Orleans, rich with history woven into the American fabric and rife with numerous spectacular landmarks including gastropubs featuring metal stools and glass garage doors, and its concrete labyrinth of awe-inspiring toll roads

it’s kind of sad they could never do a Jury Duty on me because of my encyclopedic knowledge on niche comedians

how the hardcore bassist comes on stage to tell you the singer just OD'ed and died

this is queer art at its finest fr

still happening w astonishing regularity

Next level superstition in Cambodia where shamans have framed Epstein in their shrine to harness evil magic power to curse on their clients’ enemies.

BREAKING: leaked documents show the requests allegedly made by Pete Hegseth at 2am that lead Anthropic to shoot down the Department of War deal.

It's so fucking funny that Trump cut his political teeth by accusing Obama of being a muslim socialist who was born in africa, but the second he met and *actual* muslim socialist who was born in africa he fell head over heels in love

Yeah dude yell and scream at me thats going to make your kid get up faster after getting hit by my car