god I miss when twitter was fun

If I knew then what I know now at 38, I would've married a chiropractor.

It’s pretty hypocritical that the word phonetic isn’t even spelled phonetically

If I see Christmas decorations outside your house first week of November, I will call the police.

Never let someone you love become a stranger.

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam and they’re just using it to make TVs

Anyone who considers me unapproachable can just fuck off.

That family member who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older💯

I wasn’t always there when someone needed me but at least I sent the best memes.

Everyone I follow on here enriches my life in one way or another. Your thoughts, insights, struggles, photos, humour and rants. Thanks for being you and thanks for being an eejit like me and staying here until the bitter end, lol xxxxxxx

it was the fuck this of times it was the fuck that of times

He was the greatest of all-time Rickey Henderson is one of the most iconic people, let alone baseball players, who have ever lived. The world is a less fun place without Rickey in it...

I let my family use the Christmas towels all year long. I’m sorry, Jesus.

The friends who check in when they know everything kinda sucks... I love those friends. ❤️

My New Year, New Me plan of bad-assery begins with online shopping for lounge outfits to be comfy in.

You don’t need a crematorium, you need a friend with a crematorium.

I remember a time when I slept and, like wtf was wrong with me

You can trust me. I'm from the Internet.

Establish dominance on day 1 of the New Year, by walking right up to it and punching it in the face.