As of December 7, the gift shop will no longer be accepting revenge at the registers. Most visitors use credit/debit and there's not typically enough in the till to make change for a complex scheme or violent rampage. Cash, credit, teeth, and ApplePay are all still accepted.

It's the 50th anniversary of the publication of the Brixton McNair classic "How Many Cats Makes a Crime?"! You may be asking what publishing pulp catsploitation novels did to further science. If so, let me be the first to say welcome to the control group!

Little whoopsie-doodle on our part. Apparently, someone dropped a handful of Laffy-Taffies into the mechanism and now the Halloween blast-chamber-door is stuck open. Given supply chain issues and the half life of ectoplasm, we're forecasting at least 3d6 extra weeks of Halloween.

Management is aware of the unauthorized visitor problem is and currently addressing the issue. In the meantime, continue your duties to the best of your ability despite the distractions. #propagandaposter #graphicdesign #unreality

After multiple years and several "metric walrusloads" of cash, Facebook reveals they have been dutifully developing the Meatverse® all this time because no one wanted to be the first to point out the typo. Questions re: Meatverse® VR integration were met with hoarse sobs.

Despite the best efforts of certain beings that shall remain nameless (or unnamable, can never get those two straight) we* aren't dead! *Ignoring statistical anomalies