Woman: I love your Miss Piggy shirt! Me: It’s Trixie Mattel™!

Ed Sheeran in a Pokémon main series game end credits? Never would have guessed.

Needs more Ahsoka

🎶 I’m so into me, I can barely breathe 🎶

Is it too late to put a dildo in my pants for every picture/video? Like, since everyone is doing it already, would it even be worth it?

I slept through the entirety of Sunday and woke up Monday morning with a god complex.

I can make up stories for the internet people too

Who else is trying to move to thr*ads? I need it to not be so dead.

“i asked for an ER to a straight 6 and she (the lead) said no” – selena gomez “To get out of taking lunch?” *selena nods*

Look, idk the intensity of a hike till I’m halfway through and it’s too late to turn back.

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

“I’m a top” “I’m a bottom” okay well I’m blonde??? I’m skinny??? I’m rich??? And I’m a little bit of a bitch??!?

I hate gay Halloween what do you mean you’re Jynx Monsoon

I’m moving to the butterfly app bsky.app/profile/mattyp…

Can y’all find me on the new butterfly app? I hate it here and want my friends over there.

Trixie Mattel presents: Solid Pink Disco - Register for FREE Tickets: arep.co/s2KDC