hello, i'm back. sorry i was gone for a little while, i started ... feeling too much.

every room i am in gets filled with fog. it's hard to see sometimes.

the more time i spend in the lonely, the harder it is to leave. sometimes i think i shouldn't ... something always draws me back here, though. i'm not sure what.

it's a fitting punishment for a monster. to want something so much， to hold it in your arms， and know beyond a doubt you will never deserve it.

i want to touch. i want to be touched. i want to hurt. i want to be hurt. and if you feel the same way, you're as bad as me.

goodnight. i'm very tired ...

i fall asleep whispering "i am safer alone i am safer alone i am safer alone i am safer alone" ... forgive me， memory is a rope around the neck.

who hasn't ever wondered: am i a monster or is this what it means to be a person?

and now you are going to die ugly and alone. bitterness has left you unlovable， but it doesn't matter anyway. this is how it was always going to be. you know this. you've always known. you wrote the script.

how can i ask anyone to love me when all i do is beg to be left alone?

i don't want to beg. i know you can feel it， my longing， the aching， my need for love. i don't want to beg. but oh god — oh god， please. please. love me. love me.

to me， your love is suspicious ﹙ for i do not deserve it. ﹚

my flat has been feeling a lot more empty lately. maybe i need to decorate more.

mother, why don't you look at me? i'm not a mirror of my father, your blood is in me too.

i'm so ... tired. of not being able to do anything. of not having control over my own life. but i don't think there's anything i can do about it now.

> i got the lonely btw ... not very surprising !!

i'm not even mine anymore，i'm yours，and what if you decide that you don't want me? how could you want me like i want you?

he gift—wraps self-sacrifice and calls it love; he has never known how to love any other way. he has never given his heart in scraps — it has always been laid bare， whole and beating， on the altar.

i am afraid / i will love you forever / and we will never be / in the same room / again.

you're addicted to loneliness and desperation. it's the strongest emotion you've ever known， so your subconscious tells you that it's your destiny.