From now on I’m only making plans with people who always cancel.

Make up is a lie???? You ever seen a man rockin a fitted & a beard That’s a whole disguise.

5G- all of the cancer none of the service

Since when does a smile mean I’m dtf? Bro I’m just being polite, stop w the optimism you know what you look like.

Men over 40, look into ball hammocks. They’re Highly recommended especially if you’re athletic. It’s like a bra for your saggy nuts. 😆

I identify as they So when you see me talking to myself Don’t interrupt us We’re all crazy

Birds tweet. The Only thing an x is good for a a regrets.

Why is this still called a tweet? Birds tweet, exes still owe you money from 2006

I’m no longer xcited to be here

I can’t believe The the kids I went to school with are creeping 40. Weird af cuz Im still so young and delusional.

I’m avoiding this app like every other x.

With my favorite comedian Marsi Green

If it takes you too long to get hard on a blow job im clocking out

I have 4 dogs and no one calls me a crazy dog lady. But if I had 4 cats all of a sudden I’m Crazy cat lady? Why?! 4 cats one liter box? Thats not crazy, that’s smart… And also sounds like a search on pornhub

Ppl from queens wanna smoke weed nd then fist fight. Lay off the sativa.

If Jews controlled the weather we’d never have any rain or humidity cuz that frizzes our hair. #jewfro

Someone just canceled plans on me that I forgot we made... I have no clue what we were even suppose to do. I guess I’ll never know what I was gonna miss.

Couples fight mostly over finances. Well, unless he’s paying all your bills,then you have no problems besides his cheating.

Every time I go out drinking I do things I regret. Wake up this morning like “I have a lot of plans to cancel.” Theres zero chance I’m making little Emma’s dance recital.

Every time I go out drinking I do things I regret. Wake up this morning like “I have a lot of plans to cancel.” Theres zero chance I’m making little Emma’s dance recital this morning carol.