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Back in the office this morning trying to remember what I do for work

🙂‍↕️

Alan Watts gives some of the most insightful thoughts on life and its worth watching 1000%

god i’ve seen what you’ve done for verizon and need you to do it for outlook for like six hours

dudes will see this and say hell yeah

Me as a kid in church: “ I can’t believe Eve was even tempted to eat an apple. Gross.” Me as an adult in church: “I bet it was a honeycrisp”

they hate on me for farting but the biggest stars are full of gas

Americans realizing they can go to prison for criticizing ICE but every pedophile in the Epstein files is still free

Suddenly, you're 27. You make your coffee, rush to work, come home around 7, and you're too tired to do anything except eat, scroll on your phone, and pass out. Then you wake up, and do it all again. And when Friday comes, maybe you go out, or maybe you're just too tired.

12 hour shift done ✅ Dog walked ✅ Kids entertained and finally asleep ✅ Wife acknowledged ✅ Finally heading to the set up for a gaming session

.James Talarico: I've had a lot of interviews with national media. No one's ever asked me about the cost of housing. No one's asked me about the cost of prescription drugs. The only thing the media wants to ask me about are trans athletes. The only minority destroying this

It's amazing how much you can accomplish around the house under the threat of someone coming over.

My guy, this is how we know we won at life.

Wife: So going to the gym, buying/reading comic books, going to the movies, seeing me change everyday, playing with your kids, and having an unhinged male group chat who's texts (if exposed) would land you all on an FBI watch list is all it takes to make you happy every day? Me:

"186.3 years" "You've been together a long time" "It's not enough"

thank you harry styles for making a beautiful song perfect for project hail mary

Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to log into Microsoft Authenticator 47 times a day.