Proud to announce I'm now a vegan that only eats meat when I feel like it

If you find out about a nation-threatening pandemic and your first move is to adjust your stock portfolio you should probably not be in a job that serves the public interest.

Joe Biden: I have hidden five rapid tests in chocolate bars across the country. The winners will receive a full tour of my factory as well as a lifetime supply of chocolate

Oh you don’t let your dog on the couch maybe you should go to jail

oh no ! my one basket! all my eggs were in there!

im getting worse at responding to text messages not sure why, maybe i mentally respond and move on, i think im sorry? not sure

It’s so crazy how easy it is NOT to cheat. Like it’s really not that hard. And yet men are on here acting like they’re fighting demons every day

me: better to be safe than sorry heh heh. *is sorry anyway*