Good morning Netflix! #OurFlagMeansDeath is a charmingly weird show where a protagonist talks to a cake topper, and it seems like a completely reasonable thing to do. You'd love it. It'll make your heart warm and your belly laugh. #AdoptOurCrew and join our gang of joyful idiots

Hiya, Apple TV! Have you ever heard of a little show called #OurFlagMeansDeath? I think you'd adore it. Why not #AdoptOurCrew and join our joyfully queer pirate gang? They'd love to have you come aboard!

Fun & Games is full of gems, but the one that makes me guffaw most is Anne and Mary nodding sagely when Ed says he intended to burn Stede's face off and steal his identity. Right, right, of course. Completely normal pirate meet-cute. Love those psychos. #SaveOFMD #AdoptOurCrew

Hiya Netflix! Babe, I gotta tell you a secret: I want YOU to get the rose when #OurFlagMeansDeath decides on her next home. You're gonna be so sad if someone else lures her away first, and I don't want that for you, lovey. #SaveOFMD cuz you deserve nice things. ❤️ #AdoptOurCrew

Hi Prime Video! Do you like scary stories? Cuz if you want to know more about the blood rain that fell on the day the The Swede was born (and you KNOW you do), all you have to do is board #OurFlagMeansDeath to hear the whole chilling story. #SaveOFMD #AdoptOurCrew

On the occasion of Paul Newman's birthday, I would like to tell you about how once at the National Theatre in London, Newman accidentally brushed my shoulder as I stood up to let him get to his seat. I was 16, and it is still the most wildly erotic experience of my entire life.

Dear Netflix, I would like to make what I feel is an extremely convincing argument for adopting #OurFlagMeansDeath. The argument is Anne Bonny's incredible tits. If you #AdoptOurCrew, the world will REJOICE at the chance to see them again. And then motorboat their TV screens.

I'm late to the #PetsForPirates party, but here's my Tilda, ready for trouble, with her pirate eyepatch securely in place. She sends licks and tail wags to you and all your furry friends. ❤️ #AdoptOurCrew #SaveOFMD #OurFlagMeansDeath

Hey it's been a tough few days, but I want to say that I'm still so glad I de-lurked 2 weeks ago. I loved OFMD by myself, but sharing the joy has made my heart so soft and full. I do a lot of stuff on my own. Loving things with other people is better. ❤️ #SaveOFMD #AdoptOurCrew

It's beautiful but so cold this morning, and I am looking out of my window and thinking how much I'd like to be on the warm deck of a ship in the Caribbean, even if it did smell like ass and runny cheese. I need my show back. I'm gonna fucking lose it. [Insert werewolf snarls]

Account vs Owner (Masking because I'm about to jump in a car with my 93-year-old Nana. You'll have to see my horrible naked chin some other time.)

A bright, lemony avgolemono with orzo + tiny chicken meatballs. Very conforting on an icy-cold, wintery Sunday night. I also made popovers, cuz I love me some popovers. Happy #StewAsACrew Day, shipmates! Keep your hearts warm, loves. ❤️ #SaveOFMD ##AdoptOurCrew

It is enraging that Mr Waititi knows EXACTLY how beautiful he is, right down to his medial malleolus ankle bones. Absolute motherfucker. #saveOFMD #AdoptOurCrew #OurFlagMeansDeath

Dear Prime Video, I need fairies 🧚‍♂️ to make my bread rise, but I need you to #SaveOFMD to make my heart ❤️ rise. #AdoptOurCrew for Valentine's Day, and I'll bake you fresh loaves forever. Renew #OurFlagMeansDeath, and I swear you'll never be hungry again.