ashton - 'sometimes i hear church music and think of shrek' yo whAt

looking for the matches bc we killed a wolf spider in the bedroom and now i obvious have to burn the building down

i didnt think i would ever be alot of things...but especially not the person who packs their own house slippers for every trip

gn i’m thinking about this scene

'when you laugh your double chin laughs too' grEat now i have anxiety AND depression

“I’ve never tried Taco Bell” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

i just heard william shatner is 90. N I N E T Y. he's lying. there's no way.

chili season always reminds me of the time my brother got disqualified from a church chili cook off bc they were all convinced he bought it somewhere

the real reason ik im a good person is bc if i laugh ab something and someone thinks i was laughing at what they said or did, i play along w it instead of making them feel dumb

i honestly don't know what's me being mentally ill or me being a taurus anymore

screw all these places w their 'urgently hiring'. i can't get a callback for nUTHIN

feeling my cats little breathe coming out their nose while they're breathing is the only thing keeping me going at this point

when my mom is acting stupid in the store catherine starts calling her 'mrs. wanner' and says 'time to go mrs. wanner, we need to get you back to the nursing home' and it absolutely destroys me

moved my head too fast & felt my double chin jiggle as i stopped & that really was my 13th reason