Me reading all the messages I sent when I was in love.

“money doesn't buy happiness” me with money:

When your alarm hasn't gone off but the amount of sleep you're getting is suspicious

Sometimes I'm late because I lay in bed like this for a long time

"haven't seen u in a while, what u been up to?" me:

Bring back the honey chipotle chicken please 😖 Chipotle

#NewProfilePic

i’ll never stop calling this app “twitter”

Me acting helpful in kitchen so i don't have to sit with the guests

*opens instagram * yep, everyone's life is still better than mine *closes instagram* *opens twitter* ah yes. my fellow specimens.

“bro” is gender neutral to me.

My biggest turnoff is when men overpromise and underdeliver because you could have just shut tf up

Sloane St. James, you’ve done it again! This new book is fucking fire 🔥

sorry i missed your calls. try not calling next time

"if you sleep in the afternoon, you won't sleep at night" me in the afternoon and night:

Getting older is honestly wild. One wrong pillow angle and now your neck is applying for disability

i barely go on instagram cause everybody’s life just seems too perfect. i come on here cause y’all are lunatics

i just spent my own money 💔💔💔💔💔🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢💔💔🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢💔🤢💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Periods should be a 45 minute procedure. Egg sheds. We move on. There’s no need for it to be a week-long event.

I’m at the age where checking Gmail is part of my social media routine.