Man I wish I could hire someone just to come burp my baby! Burping babies is so annoying

How can we fit in several naps before Vanderpump Rules tonight while also caring for a newborn and a toddler???? Zeth Hearld

We ran out of diapers for the baby lol #secondchild

My sister has to wake both her toddlers up every morning at 8am but had to get up at 7am for work today and chose to complain about that to ME! The mother of a newborn baby!!!!! emily #blocked

Avoiding eye contact with Otto as he beams at me at 3am while I’m getting ready to feed him 🤣 Sorry son, must not engage!!! Ily tho

This smoggy air can suck it cuz I just coughed while wearing the sleeping baby and startled the shit out of him lol

It should be a crime to be dairy free in the summer. Especially when it’s because of your BABY and not even you!!!!! Otto let me eat ICE CREAM

I can’t believe it’s August because I truly don’t know how we survived June and July with a toddler and a newborn 😅 Things are on the up and up, though!

Yes

Every wedding I go to, the bread basket is at the other side of the table from me and I am FAMISHED and no one fuckin passes it around!!! What is up with that!!! It’s BREAD! It’s so good! Open ‘er up! Pass ‘er around!

Otto has been mobile for approximately 24 hours and Zoe is already running around whining about him “ruining” all her toys he keeps finding and chewing on 🙃

First kid: no screen time until she turned 2 Second kid:

How does Otto know the exact moment I have just fallen asleep every night???? I’m not even exaggerating he wakes up the SECOND I fall asleep!!!!!! Babies are so good and also so bad

Would just like to say that things took a RAPID decline after this and I learned my lesson 🤐🤐🤐

I joined a local book club hoping it would help me get back into reading and omg the first book is truly the most boring thing I’ve ever read. I give up, tiktok you win again!!!

I need the world to know that Otto has 3 bottom teeth and 1 top tooth and no signs of any others coming

Happy “thanks for making me a mama” day to all those who celebrate

The cool thing about breastfeeding is that even when your baby finally starts sleeping better your boobs are like “oh great time to get a clog that keeps you up all night 😌”

Ask me how often I cry thinking about Zoe starting kindergarten (a year from now) 🙃🥲😭🥺

I need to get something off my chest: you couldn’t pay me to watch Hamilton