frankly it’s unbelievable nobody has sued elon musk for just looking like that

my friend: hey, do you wanna grab some dinner later? me, flipping over tarot card with image of me enjoying a delicious spaghetti dinner on it: ya, that sounds great

honking at myself in traffic to show everyone how sorry i am

Reading the wikipedia entry on babies before I meet a baby

sometimes an album is good because it came out when i was 17

out of the SEA. wish I could BE. Part of THAT world!

soooo good at being gay

can’t afford zyrtec so i just have to keep sneezing (im allergic to all of my bones)

*honks your boob* peace be with you

i hate being a customer i hate doing that to someone

drunkenly messaging my coworkers that i love them on our scheduling app

i’ll never get microchipped (unless coca cola makes it possible for me to explode vending machines with my mind when they don’t give me my change)

what kind of name is “rupaul”

Today is his birthday Happy Birthday Snoopy

men who don’t know how 2 tap dance r honestly worthless 2 me

wAts sapning CHRISTMAS

and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad.