Its like Netflix doesn't even care how little I talk to my family now that we're not sharing an account.

Who needs Ozempic, just hold a plank everytime someone says Strep Throat.

Grounding kids in 2024 is making them leave the house and go hang out with friends.

My mom once made me stop at a garage sale that was actually just a family having a party in their driveway so no I don't get embarrassed easily.

Facebook: "You make me laugh out loud, tell your parents I said hello!" TikTok: "You're not funny and look like one of the Hanson brothers"

Why is it always the religious families with the pet raccoon?

My Dad is the only person still watching the White Sox and he's in heaven.

Being Irish Catholic is eating ham and talking about the next time we're going to eat ham.

I'm looking for family dinner recipes that taste like someone else made them.

To my brothers friends, our Mom is now on Venmo and sees when you pay Billy for the Nose Beers.

Let's pump the brakes on meal trains for someone who had voluntary plastic surgery. I'm not whipping up a tetrazzini bc Theresa got a new chin.

#NewProfilePic

Kathy's backhand is a PROBLEM. #pickleball #comedian #standupcomedy

Anyone else race strangers to the door at UPS?

Being a Mom is making a gourmet dinner so someone can ask for scrambled eggs an hour later.

I'm From Your Future | Maggie Hughes DePalo | Stand-up Comedy youtu.be/xxyaxDEPwjw?si… via YouTube

I love when Apple is like "I think" it's Brian Smith calling...You KNOW it's Brian Smith AND what he ate today. You're Apple. Apple

It's no coincidence that first communion lands on derby day. 💰 💵 🐎 🙏🙏✝️

Is that a DEA raid or just some Moms power walking in weighted vests?

Women in weighted vests look like they work for Dog the Bounty Hunter, if he hired exclusively from Joann Fabrics.