He nicknamed my pussy 'Jessie J'...because just like her, it's bald & it's a cunt.

Suddenly I felt his fingers force open my balloon knot and probe my landfill lagoon like he was searching for his keys in the dark

I was like a Kinder egg - I always 'came' with a toy inside me.. Only my toys were usually 10 inches long & vibrated.

It's about 30 degrees tonight, so let me take a smoothie #iraqistyle

@j_Leb7 I can't disclose this kind of sensitive information luitenant Lebbon!

just passed my Iraqi driving test haha!! #bigdog

1st place in the majnoon 6 km fun run!! running in 38 degrees is definately no fun run though lol #winning

Iraq has many random signs! This one is defo a fave lol #turd #wiffybants

The new volleyball court just been built at work haha yeeehhhaaaa

Shit weather all week yet again #hmmmmmm #ohnotbad

We came 2nd in the majnoon darts contest.... Defo had the best team name though...'ham labyrinth'

"Masturbate like no one is watching" - God

Let me guess... Everyone knew froch would ko him and all of a sudden everyone loves him again haha #fullofshit

When someone says England have a chance to win the World Cup. vine.co/v/MrmETa3AHAD

Good things come to those who wait… greater things come to those who are willing to work for it.

another 14 hour shift in 50 degrees heat smashed #$$$$$$$

I'm rooting for @AmirKingKhan Saturday then I'm gonna take him out in front of 80,000 at Wembley Stadium next summer! #AndStill #ChinaX