harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban is really a zero-skips album.

is there a phobia for being scared of acapella groups? because i think i have that

not naming it over the bush was a missed opportunity

ppl that still comment about how hard it is to put on fitted sheets are the worst

does going number 2 count as breaking the seal?

hot take, complaining about being single on valentine’s day is an immediate ick

*society takes a collective sigh of relief as civilians move beyond the urge to wrap every household ceiling in LED light strips*

the blue scooby doo gummies were a gateway drug

about 30 min into this titanic movie thing and i’m really liking these jack and rose characters, nothing bad better happen to them

if i have a son, i’m naming him JP. first name Jurassic, middle name Park.

just licked mayo off a spoon like brownie batter

just got an oil change, my villain arc is happening

how come when i reverse in my car, my speedometer doesn’t go negative?

being in the same room as madison colbert would send a victorian child into a state of comatose or septic shock

will ferrell? worst vibe ever

yeah i pour my cereal and wait 20 minutes for it to get soggy just like the rest of you

sometimes i talk back to the microwave when it beeps too many times, don’t act like you’re a perfect, flawless individual when you gaze into the looking glass.

i’m the mouse with the given-cookie, and i’m ready to share my side of the story

the laxative effect of a hobby lobby is chemical warfare.

do you think taylor hit lana’s vape?