I wish there was a way to make Siri sound like Schmidt from New Girl

hi. it’s me again. i love you

I got a random FaceTime call just now. Answered. IT WAS A BABY. He was playing on his mom’s phone and was typing numbers and CALLED ME. Made my night honestly

my new year’s resolution. is to find a way. to love you more

Our baby tamandua is doing his/her best to break the internet with cuteness!!

i hate when i’m 20 minutes into my run on the treadmill and i look down and the timer says 43 seconds

Told my Dad I ran out of alcohol and didn’t have any money to buy any for the weekend..so he gave me the huge bottle of vodka from the cupboard that I stole and replaced with water when I was 16... life really does come back to bite u in the ass

gooooob morning. i’m going to need a lot of attention today. i can just tell

Watch as this 173-pound golden retriever lost 100 pounds! ❤️

i just realized it’s all good. don’t let me forget again

to be perfectly clear. i love you

WE’RE READY! ARE YOU!?

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