Amazon trying to sell me a $14 safe

Using my friends puppy for Instagram clout is such a gay thing to do

Bucket hats are ugly on men there aren’t any exceptions

Didn’t get the buy one get one telfar or the CB2 desk God wants me dripless and illiterate

No telfar bc an Uber driver stole it no beautiful vintage watch bc it was going through Ukraine when Russia invaded no CB2 desk guy ghosted me on the day I was gonna pick it up no Cartier sunglasses bc ex refused to give them back I’m just gonna start robbing people

I will not purchase a desk until I’ve found a worthy contender I just write on the floor

Wyd if someone loots ur dogs corpse right in front of you

Overfed New York auction house fags gatekeeping me 🥱 broke

You pay $25 for this and take a pic for the insta story. 3 likes and one message from the ugly guy who’s obsessed with you. You feel kind of bad for him but always accept his compliments. Now you’re just holding the shake. Like a fucking idiot

I bought a whole alligator from south Florida shout out to Alligators Inc, That being said I will be brining then slow smoking said gator and it’ll be ready Sunday at 7pm. Whole gator will be on a communal table. $40 a person for gator and abundant sides I’m not kidding

All floral now gimme your fauna ruff ruff

Whitest thing I’ve done today is embrace the joys of suing an unsuspecting person

Whenever I see someone beat an elden ring boss my heart is filled with a type of pride that only a parent whose child just became the first in the family to graduate college can relate to

Son your mother left us it’s nothing but Zyns Coke Zero and ground beef from here on out

me with that dastardly limb attached to my crotch

The way almost everyone I’ve talked to about the drake / Kendrick beef still rides for drake

The livest one fresh out Bedford Stuyvesant