Have you seen a good film 90 minutes or less recently? What was it?

The Dua Lipa lyric “pocket full of honey and I’m ready to go” is the stuff of nightmares. Just leave the house with runny honey in your pocket, sure.

I’m at a soft play (😔) and another dad just went into the gents in his socks. The horror!

Just checked the cricket score and I think I must be very drunk.

Anyone had any Black Friday emails yet?

Forgot where I was and just shouted up the stairs to my 3 and 9 year old daughters: “Oi, dickheads, dinner’s on the table”.

Just realised Joao Felix looks a lot like Maureen Lipman.

The 13 year old and I walked up a hill. This is her at the top of it.

This has gone too far.

Parents: have you been to the restaurant Jungle Cave in Piccadilly Circus/Shaftesbury Avenue? (cc John Humphreys, Adam Driver Chart.PR)

This was sitting in my Insta drafts. Nanjizal in Cornwall. The end of our most recent trip.

This is the greatest sporting moment I’ve ever seen

This morning my wife is taking 10 year old to see Barbie and I’m taking the 3 year old to a soft play. There really is only one loser there.

Which packet of crisps can you eat the quickest? It’s Wotsits isn’t it?

Hi Beak. I’m in Lewes and would like to pick up some of your wares. Are there any bottle shops etc in town that have your cans? Cheers!

First tweet for nearly three months and this is my question to you: have you ever put a Ninja air fryer basket in the dishwasher?

Saw a white fallow deer this morning, which was nice. Dog didn’t care.

I recently enjoyed a very satisfying door click. Wait for the second pull.