be the person your youth group self would have feared the most

I've just cracked open a fresh Blistex, and I've never felt so alive.

my therapist told me that sometimes the people u think are toxic aren’t toxic they just don’t like u and ur desperate

I went to a hip coffee shop and got a $6 bourbon vanilla latte that was delicious and a $6 chocolate chip cookie that was dogshit. Get you a man who can do both.

Enough of the bullshit, THIS is what Twitter is for.

“I’m my own Valentine” is the same energy as “I dressed as myself for Halloween.”

someone in my neighborhood has live, laugh, loved for the last time

Real Estate people looking at the listing price for a one bedroom/one bathroom house in Los Angeles:

HUGE IF TRUE

I swear to god, if any of you freaks ever leave me a "facemail" I'm going to beat up the sides of your car with a bat. TRY ME.

Dissing Pat Robertson on the occasion of his death seems disrespectful, so keep it up.

Struggling to get a good idea of what's happening in Russia right now. Absolutely insane looking alphabet. If you're expecting it to look like normal writing you're in for a big surprise.

sending this to everyone who has ever judged my physical media collection