Claiming your daughters’ talents, accomplishments and successes as “all me” despite them having fathers >>>>

It could all be so simple😌😂

girl biology is never taking pain killers to test how high your pain tolerance is

I cook you homemade meals every day but if I get takeout I get stolen from

I will start counting grains of rice, Thomas.

I knew from the beginning a lifetime with you wasn't going to be hard.

What

Says the human torch.

You leave Master splinter alone

Well it's getting colder so you can cuddle me all you want

My man is looking extra biteable today.

I can just steal yours, it's fine.

... I only wear one at a time, Baby.

You've lost me

— 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐫 @𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒂 𝐧𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬.

She's curled up on the couch, deleting various social media accounts and saving the pictures.

I'm sure there's couch covers. Besides how are you, Susan, and a pregnant me gonna all cuddle on the couch?

Oh. Well I've got enough common sense for the both of us