I know that feeling

Someone used the word perfectionate on a CV at work today...

Feel like I have a watermelon in my head instead of my brain

They look like they own and operate a drag club and they just found out their son is about to marry a woman from a conservative family

Which one will win out, my almost militant refusal to throw food away...or food poisoning

Here's a clue, maybe because you're a big ol' creep?

Most important question of my day, what do I name my sourdough starter? Which is a great distraction from other less important questions like, where am I going, and what am I doing with my life?

Just this really

I didn't think today could get any weirder than trump getting re-elected, until someone stole my socks, out of my shoes, at my leisure centre while I was swimming.

Someone at work yesterday asked me why I always seem to have a problem with men. Today I offered them America as an example

I feel ashamed on behalf of that 51%

Basically the only thing I like about Christmas is Brussel sprouts

We keep blaming mars retrograde, but when are we going to accept that sometimes, life is just a bit shit

Making cookie dough and not being able to eat any is a hell I wouldn't wish on anyone

Overthinking

Today's gym session was sponsored by Tool and quiet simmering rage.

This is why I bloody love Keanu.

when you realize you took an edible before doing something serious

Just made baked oats for the first time and I think it is the only thing I am going to eat from now on.

Nothing quite like feeling a bit sad already and then seeing a dead badger to tip you over the edge