OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The way this man is so dumb and doesn’t understand basic nature vs nurture

He becomes increasingly more feral

Who wants to get matching lobotomies w me? 🥰🥰🥰

My mom will stop at nothing to ensure she posts the ugliest photos of me on Facebook

The bachelor lovesss casting nurses, pharm/med sales, influencers, and recruiters. No one has a shot getting on unless that’s their job 😂

Someone please do a training with gen x on how to not sound like assholes via professional email.

should I go get a PhD I’m bored

Sadly I’m a person who usually can’t work with music on BUT somehow I get super human productivity ONLY if it’s the 1975.

Last year I got my lips done and my family bullied me for it and today one of those bullies asked me where I went AHAHHAHAHAHA imma send her to a place w bad reviews

Going on a work trip and the thought of being away from Rodeo makes me wanna sob

My client was like “I want to set you up with my son” and I was just doing the thing you usually do like not trying to be rude and just kinda laughing along. But then she SHOWS me her son. My tune changed so fast

Very happy to report Matt Rife is hilarious not only online but live too. Also happy to report no annoying bitches shouting profanities at him all night, and by annoying bitches I mean me

There’s a man putting a donut on my car and I’m so thankful for that but also pls don’t offer to put a donut on my car if you keep dropping my car off the jack. I promise it’s not a faulty jack, it’s a faulty man 😌

How long have you been waiting for the reunion to start? #LoveIsBlind #LOVEISBLINDreunion

I did in fact fuck up and get visibly excited when my boss told me there’s a dispensary next door to the hotel we are staying at.

Oops got hacked

8 yr old me when my mom said I better be good or else Santa wouldn’t bring me any gifts 🎅🏼