replacing everyone in my life with puppies

why do people think I need a boyfriend I don't need a boyfriend I need ramen

gabby wants to get a dog. we have a literal wolverine and she wants a dog. a _dog_

(507): I'm eating pizza in the bathtub

you know what would be cooler than retractable hand knives?? retractable hand screwdrivers. don't need claws rn just need a screwdriver

wait no scratch that I don't need to unscrew it when I can slice it to pieces x.com/lkwolverine/st…

"put on some pants" you cannot in any way make me do that. i am an immovable force. let me live

what about eating spaghetti with a spoon x.com/not_spidey/sta…

people telling me im "too aggressive" like babe when was the last time being nice solved anyone's problems

anyways, i am nice. just. with aggressive undertones.

today I was on the bus back home and some lady complained that I smelled? you try slice n' dicing monsters for a day it's smelly work

what, you've never seen a superhero on the damn subway, pal? im saving the planet in more ways than one. #CarFreeNYC

y'know what man soME OF US CAN'T OK x.com/americuntchave…

why don't we just put juggernaut on a treadmill

warren can suck it up and eat his damn worms he needs the protein x.com/mutanthogwarts…

gender's a lie. don't trust it

he was a good dad

logan's old suit has pockets and i've seriously considered just wearing it 24/7 #PocketEqualityForWomen

lies x.com/mutanthogwarts…

it was me sorry x.com/americaguy20/s…