the perfect motivator

A good juicy chicken sandwich is EVERYTHING

elvis: momma they wanna put me in jail for being too sexy. elvis's mom: god made you sexy, baby. as sexy as two little boys in one. col. parker, bursting through door w/ an elvis-branded juicer: dere may be a solution to dis here problem.

I said to my wife "Do you think anyone will commit suicide because they could not get an abortion?" She instantly replied "yes." Then she added "there will be all those boyfriends and husbands that murder them because they couldn't get one too" and that shook my fucking world.

Abortion for *lethal* fetal anomalies is now *illegal* in Ohio   I’m a high-risk obstetrician here. I diagnose birth defects   So some point soon I may look someone in the eyes & say that they, against their will, will carry to term, undergo delivery & then have their child die

“tostitos hint of lime?” ummmmmmm ya I got the hint, tostitos. There’s like a lot of lime in here…………….

they didn’t want us to see this guy using his service weapon as a stylus to flick past his punisher lock screen so he could check his texts to distract himself from the screams of dying children

This makes me so happy

Hey man. I saw your instagram story about how you’re at the beach. I was hoping you could delete it? I’m at work and it upsets me

Baby Capybara

2/10 would not recommend trying to buy a house right now

birth certificate is so crazy..hello baby welcome to the world here is some paperwork

Had to buy a washer and dryer and it was the most annoying adult purchase thus far

Combed out a patient’s hair from laying flat for two months and it was so satisfying

one of the joys of adulthood is watching all your friends realize they can just adopt a cat. nothing is stopping them. and then they do that. and upload a million pictures of it.

It’s helpful to understand that conflict isn’t bad. Actually, conflict can create emotional intimacy. It can allow us to understand the people we love on a deeper level. We just need to learn active communication.

The occupational therapist goes home for the holidays

no but it’s so cool that sometimes when you go to adopt a cat they’re like “oh. well he comes with this other cat because they’re best friends and have to be together”