Me trying to fence a teenager who is twice as fast and out for blood:

Speechless

At the airport and just heard a voice on the speaker mention Gate C47. I immediately thought of a clothespin. Is that weird?

I would work out faithfully if this were the coach.

Made a short Film this weekend and pretty sure what differentiates me as the director is my extreme propensity for talking with my hands.

Me trying to finish the latest script.

Trying to make an appt with a new doctor. They're really making it easier.

Let's pack out the 2,000 seat Orpheum to raise money for Teamsters, IATSE and support staff impacted by the strikes! 400 free seats will be given to crew members. I'll be there - come join me! Tickets here: ticketmaster.com/the-give-backu…

I feel this today.

My Roman Empire is the scene in Wayne's World where Alice Cooper explains the history of Milwaukee and pronounces it the way Native Americans would.

x.com/Enezator/statu…

Me: I think I'll wear this cute pantsuit My ass: Like hell you will

So I found this and I think Fallout Boy has some splaining to do. Or am I just an all-knowing oracle? (If it's the latter, I should also be a billionaire before I turn 50) Just covering my bases.

Job: very profitable year folks! Great job! Workers: so we get raises? Job: That's adorable Workers: promotions? Job: Ha Workers: Bonuses? Job: lol no Workers: Anything? Job: here's a cute hat Workers: ..... Job: breaks over back to work

Me: I think I found the man of my dreams. Mom: You're talking about a horse, aren't you? 🤷‍♀️

TIL that the collarbone is the first bone a fetus starts to grow (in humans), and the last to stop growing. Also, horses do not have collarbones.

"By all means stay home if you want, but don't bullshit yourself that you're not voting. In reality, there is no such thing as not voting: you either vote by voting, or you vote by staying home and tacitly doubling the value of some Diehard's vote.” ― David Foster Wallace