I hate to report that the man in front of me at this show just used Shazam

Not me treating the dentist chair like a spa experience. She really needs a break. and a recliner.

Don’t forget to schedule some time for a little breakdown today, you’ll thank yourself later!

One of the best lines I’ve ever read in an OOO email, courtesy of one that I just received: “If this is urgent, take a deep breath because few things really are.” THAT energy.

Is everyone out here getting a new job or am I just spending too much time on LinkedIn

Don’t even try to have a convo w me at the bar if they’re playing Peewee’s Big Adventure; my goals have changed and this has become my sole reason for being here.

Vecna rly said Squatters Rights

🚨 Tipsy Putt merch launch!🚨 Our Caddyshack tee will hit the shelves 7/1. Keep checking back here for new fresh gear! We will be releasing new items every week this summer. Modeled by: Beertender, Brenden Photo by: Colton Lane-Tokunaga Illustration by: Lily Therens

Found a Dhate Rhape in an old book about Sign Language

I’m gonna go ahead and say it… US Paper Sizes are trash

One thing is clear from my time traveling: No major metropolitan rental is safe from the grip of IKEA

Those holy 10 minutes of sworn silence in the uber home

Why does she look like an engorged (yet patriotic) tick

Sorry but the soundtrack to whatever mundane task you’re partaking in is not Explosions in the Sky

Please--for the love of all things holy--use attachments and stop inserting your images into the body of emails.

I'll never forget when one of my bosses asked me to email him a file from his work computer & when I logged in, the only open window was just him in a shirtless (flash on) selfie.

What if every baseball player’s walk up song were ska? This one’s for @kimboochaaa

Back to The Bay we goooo 🛫 Retweet for your chance to win an Alaska Airlines trip for two as part of the #HappyFlightSweepstakes 🔗 atmlb.com/2N0yzaU

So happy with how these illustrations I made for #Pride turned out!

RT TO WIN ✈️ Retweet for your chance to win an Alaska Airlines trip for two as part of the #HappyFlightSweepstakes 🔗 atmlb.com/2N0yzaU