I got an alligator in a vest, call him investigator

I put my clothes on while I'm eating salad, call that salad dressing

Got Mexicans in my pool, yeah that's bean dip

Masturbate at home, call it homecoming

I nutted in her eye, told her to watch my kids

Eating pizza in the hospital, that's Little Seizures

Rapping with my cat, call him Wiska-Lifa

Batman skipping church, call that Christian Bale

STDs from Hannah Montana, call it Miley Virus

Eating Subway while I tweet, I'll call that a subtweet

They say weed make you smarter, call it Budweiser

Got my grandma on speed dial, call it Instagram

Farted on my wallet, call that gas money

Rip my newspaper in half, call it breaking news

Pushed a nun in a wheelchair, call that Virgin Mobile

Easter on 4/20 have me like..

Got HIV from an alligator, call that gatoraids

Hit Dora with a pan, call that shit Pandora

I’m one of the hottest people this week on #hotornotapp! Are you as Hot as me? Find out on hotornot.com/b/1271991334/1…

I’ve got the looks, I’ve got the style! That’s how I won an award on #hotornotapp! hotornot.com/b/1271991334/1…