Good morning ya filthy animals

FUCK PEOPLE WHO HATE NICKELBACK

PSA to NOT update Instagram if you haven’t already. As someone who casually scrolls through liking every pic I see, the new update literally makes me dizzy. It forces you to stop on every picture and doesn’t feel fluid at all🫠 On the bright side I’ll spend less time on insta lol

Instagram is trying so hard to compete with TikTok that they’re trying to become another TikTok. If I wanted to see video after video from random pages I don’t follow, I wouldn’t be on Instagram. Do what we need from you, and bring back the photos of our actual friends!!!

Friendly back to school reminder: When kids show up late for school, they still showed up. Thank them, not scold them. “I’m happy you’re here" goes a very long way.

This year and a half transformation might just be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen🥲🤍

If u ride in the car wit me at night, you’re loyal cuz I really can’t see in the dark. I just be winging it honestly.

As a high school teacher I am dreading the BeReal notifications this school year😂 Hundreds of kids at a time all getting amber alert type notifications to get out their phones and post all at the same time

THE FIGHT GAME FOLKS. #UFC278

SOS who should I sub in for Davis for tomorrow?

I’ll never forget the time when I was a server and a ~7 year-old~ ordered expensive salmon, didn’t like it, and her dad yelled at ~me~ for it supposedly not being cooked right🙂

I don’t understand why they have football teams in cold places

Anne Hathaway is aging backwards and you can’t convince me otherwise

Nashville Police Officer Michael Collazo and Officer Rex Englebert shot and killed school shooter Audrey Hale. When officers arrived -- investigators say Hale was shooting at police cars through a window. Collazo and Englebert ran toward the gunfire -- killing the shooter.

A multi-billion dollar company wants to partner with my cat to make 4 Tik Tok videos for them, and to use the videos on their platforms and in ads, and for me to work with only them until Dec. They asked me my rate and I have no idea what to charge for something like that. Help??

One of the small pleasures of teaching is being able to play old Nickelback songs really quiet on tests days and no one can say anything about it because they can’t talk during tests🫡

The lady next to me on this flight is eating a hamburger with raw unions on it which should literally be illegal

Taylor Swift is at Arrowhead Stadium to watch Travis Kelce and the Chiefs 👀 📺 FOX

I wish Jill and Ryan would have been dropped in to Paradise at the same time because their chemistry would have been unmatched #bachelorinpardise

Y’all this episode of #BachelorInParadise has me so fucking heated I redownloaded twitter just to validate that I’m not the only one crashing over these idiots siding with Jeremy over Brian (and I didn’t even like Brian! Rooting for him feels wrong!) thanks for the validation