last night i walked into the living room wearing my pjs and my roomate points at me and says “i know you’re naked under there” …. like yeah? i am?

Don’t invite me to yo crib if yo couch peeling because imma peel it some more when you not looking

any time i walk down the street while listening to Dua Lipa in my headphones

if u don’t know what this is your aura is weak

bald men r so comforting

the greatest government hoax of all is the widespread belief that eating raw cookie dough causes salmonella

if you ask me to go on a walk with you I will always say yes. I am an absolute glutton for a strut, literally obsessed with going on a little fucking stroll and lollygagging about! I’m always on the prowl for a promenade! a slut for a saunter and ambling around like a fool!

men will legit put a slab of meat and some mushy slop on a plate and instagram story it like they’ve done michelin star level plating

Sorry I’ve Been MIA. Been having Personal Problems

i hate whenever i forget to water my plants and they start acting dead like girl get up and stop playing...

if you ever see me wearing a lanyard around my neck for corporate purposes, hospitalize me

it’s time to ⚠️BeReal⚠️

Survivor queen!!!

you do not hate root beer, you just think you hate root beer

starting a conspiracy that the people standing in line at Crumbl are NPCs