It’s all about the greater good!

Synchronized swimming on an Olympic level has finally gone (very limited) coed and the conservatives are too obsessed with genitals to grasp that it means they’re ON THE SAME TEAM. If you ask about or point out other coed sports they deflect.

Past tense of wake and bake is now woke and boke

We were at the trampoline park for 5 hours. I didn’t even jump, I watched or sat there and I’m still so MF tired.

My son loves babies so much, it’s so precious

Idc if it’s 9:30 in the morning, there’s a 94° heat index. Yes, we can have popsicles for breakfast.

I don’t wanna be rich and own an 8000sq ft house with 5 cars. I wanna be rich and fully sponsor entire classrooms for some teachers.

The wallet I’ve owned for 15 years is legitimately ripping at the seams and it makes me cry

The freedom to read and access information is a fundamental right protected by the First Amendment. Yet in jails & prisons, book bans often unjustly restrict that right. Incarcerated people have a right to read free from censorship—just like anyone else. aclu-in.org/en/news/how-bo…

My poor boy just wants to play outside, but no one ever can 😭😭

I just got a $0 tip on $250 check. I still have to tip out 6%. I’m paying to serve that table in the Florida heat. Please fix our broken tipping system. I’m begging you.

No one is phased by the aliens thing bc we’ve always known. This is an “I knew the truth before I asked the question” situation. We been knew they were lying. Unless they’re gonna lower the temps or the prices, we don’t care.

Trying to picture a bathroom where we’d be doing this and-….

I think Brenda is a man. Brenda is really Brendan.

This is America, that is simply asking too much.

First time my kids saw a drag queen they had no idea it was a man dressed as a woman until I told them. They thought it was an extremely colorful and fancy lady.

My Twitter app updated what the FUCK IS THIS X BULLSHIT

Know what the world needs? A new Guitar Hero (not ROCK BAND🤮) The planet was a better place when we were all busy having fake jam sessions.

“I put on an M Night Shyamalan movie. Which means we’re about to not know what the fuck is going on”

I hate it. So much. I literally hate it.