Im pleased to announce my needy houseplant died, if that’s any consolation as to the type of mother I would be

Me, 17 days without a rest day: omg rest is so important for recovery and muscle growth

I just want a time machine so I can watch New Girl for the first time again

If you get it, you get it

You ever think about how weird it is that you’re just expected to poop right next to your coworkers?

Being with someone who doesn’t make you reduce yourself to make them feel adequate? Kinda dope

Oh you don’t have a caffeine addiction? I bet your parents still love each other too

But I am le tired 🚬

God, women are so beautiful and smart and talented and men are just men

Im afraid of 3 things: the ocean, space, and buying peanut butter

4th base: asking him to apply sunscreen

Me? In love? Psssh. Yes 😭

Hobbies include; walking around at the gym pretending I don’t have a visible cameltoe

wow babe you’re really good at staying up incredibly late and barely sleeping every night

Everytime I see a hot girl im like “damn I bet she poops EVERY day”

Ok im for real going to take a deload week *proceeds to never take a deload week*

Did I get my masters degree in being a dumb bitch???

I do not like Dave Matthews Band. I do not like them, Sam-I-Am