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I wish I was as good at multi-tasking as politicians are at MULTI-TAXING.

Yeah, I'm a geek. But behind my back I'll bet girls are calling me a GILF.

If I use hypnosis to get a girl to masturbate while I watch, is that such a bad thing? No drugs involved. Just science.

Why did nature evolve men to suffer horribly when they don't get sex and at the same time evolve women to enjoy denying men sex?

You really know what you are talking abote.

I wish I was filthy rich instead of just filthy minded.

I don't believe in astrology because I'm a Sagittarius and, as you probably know, Sagittarii don't believe in astrology.

My favorite dyslexic celebrity is Kar Kimdasian... I mean... Kim Darkashian... agggh... I mean...

I wonder if my apartment is on fire? Google keeps showing me ads for fire extinguishers.

Today is National Left-Handed Eskimo With Athlete's Foot Day. Cool.

I am a man of letters. And I am particularly fond of L, R and W. O isn't too bad, if you are into vowels.

In my opinion, the world would be a much better place if we simply did away with all spectator sports. What do they contribute to anything?

I need to see a doctor. Can anyone recommend a good Orgasmologist?

I think I have the idea for the perfect movie: "Star Twerk". Huh? Huh?

When CGI advances to the point that they can make their pussy look real, the economy is going to crash big-time.

According to my data-mining activities, there are still 3 people in the Twitterverse that I have not yet offended.

I put the f.u. in funny.

Coca Cola mixed with rum. 2022 here I come.

Wow. It looks like hurricane Ian is kicking Florida's butt.

Last night I had a threesome and it was fantastic. Four tits, two pussies... do the math.